So you’ve got a Halloween party to go to in a few days, and once again your chronic procrastination has left you with nothing to wear. With All Hallows Eve quickly approaching, it appears that you only have two options remaining. You can either A) run to the seasonal Halloween store and pay $100 for whatever ridiculously marked-up getup they have left in stock that fits you, or B) put on a pair of camo pants and a black shirt and go as a “military person” just like you’ve been doing for the last four unoriginal years. So what do you do?
The answer, dear friend, is neither. When the going gets tough, the tough don’t recycle a disappointing cliché or shell out a small fortune for a pre-fabbed costume that will fall apart before the night is over. When the going gets tough, the tough get creative. Even if you’ve only got a few hours before your party, you can still create a crowd-pleasing costume with nothing more than your imagination, the clothes in your closet and a brief trip to Wal-Mart. Here are a few ideas to help get you started.
1) Cross-Dressing Adam. Guys, this one is for you. Go out in your yard and pick up the biggest leaves you can find. If you don’t have a yard, go buy some fake leaves from a department store. Punch a hole in the leaves and string them through with a shoelace until you’ve got a kind of loincloth going on. Wear this over some skimpy underwear. Then, go get yourself an apple and a feather boa. Wrap the boa around your neck. Finally, take a glue stick and glue two leaves over your nipples. When people ask who you are, say “Eve.”
2) Corporate Evil. Get one of those “Devil” accessory kits with the horns and strap-on tail. Put on a business suit. Ladies, feel free to make this a “sexy” business suit. Create a name tag for your least-favorite corporation in MS Paint, print it out, cut it out and pin it to your lapel. Congratulations, you are now the embodiment of corporate evil.
Bonus points: Fill a briefcase with fake contracts and spend the night trying to sell everyone at the party your company’s product. For instance, if you’re going as Comcast, ask people if they’re satisfied with their current cable provider. See how many inebriated souls you can collect by the end of the night.
3) McKayla Maroney. Everyone’s favorite Olympian should be fun and easy for you ladies out there to imitate. Buy a grey tracksuit or athletic leotard. Make a silver medal out of a CD, tinfoil and some blue ribbon. Walk around the party looking really unimpressed by everybody else’s costumes.
4) Hunger Games Participant. Put on a tattered black shirt and some brown cargo pants, then muss up your hair and smear mud and red food coloring all over yourself. Walk around the party with a machete or a bow. Cry occasionally, and when people ask you what’s wrong tell them that you really miss your friends back home.
5) Botched Jesus Fresco. Dissect a plush brown teddy bear and secure the midsection to your head, leaving a hole for your face. Smear lipstick and concealer all over your face. Put on a brown bath robe and walk around the party telling people you forgive them for being terrible artists.
You don’t need to spend a fortune to be the life of the party this Halloween. This year has provided us with so much to imitate or satirize that even the most boring revelers should have no trouble whipping up a clever Halloween costume in no time. So get in your car, head down to your local department store and let your creative juices flow. Coming up with your own last-minute costume will save you a lot of money, but better than that, it’ll win you major fans.